SHUT UPPP

I'm not the only cooking idiot out there! While trying to find a recipe to satisfy my sweet tooth (I always have dumb food cravings when I'm sick), I was browsing my beloved allrecipes.com when I read a review of some red velvet cupcakes posted by someone who is even more of a culinary joker than I! And I quote: "Just a tip: I don't think it will work for anything other than red. I tried to make them blue, substituting blue food coloring for the red. The batter turned green as soon as I added the cocoa."

So, what is that then? Finished Product Knowledge Fail or Creative Recipe Manipulation Fail? Either way I kind of love it. Also who wants to eat blue cupcakes? Anyway, thanks, food fail guy!

Dear Life,

Please ban the following things from my presence until further notice:

- My fickle internet connection
- People under the age of 20 and over the age of 60*
- Sentences that begin with the word "Question"
- People who use sentences that begin with the word "Question"
- Scales (bathroom and fish)
- Mystery illnesses
- Stuff that's dumb and doesn't make any sense
- Commercials for gyms that remind me that I haven't worked out in weeks
- Dog toys full of fluffy stuff
- Family Guy
- My upstairs neighbor and her pet elephant/camel/giant horse

This list is not all-inclusive and is subject to change at any time without notice.

K Thx,
Mere

* Exceptions apply.

Back from vacation! Already I kind of miss it and want to get back on the boat. Well, partly because I miss it and partly because apparently my body thinks I'm somewhere on the high seas - seriously, I can still feel the boat rock. BUT we had a great time and of course, I came back fully armed with tons of stories and reasons to hate people. Like you had any doubt! Give me a couple of days and I'm sure they'll be up here.

So yeah, per the agreement I made with the dog before we left, I did not jump off the boat but that doesn't mean I didn't contemplate tossing a few other people over the side, and the boat was full of some super classy OU fans who looked awesomely dejected in their Sooners shirts after their boys lost the championship game. I LOL'd as I passed a bunch of them playing roulette in the casino after the game, just tossing all their chips on red and watching the dealer stock up on whatever they were throwing out there. Because we all know: Why doesn't Texas float off into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks.

The only sad thing about leaving the country for a week is leaving our little pug Rygel at home. For those of you who don't know, we've had Ryg for over a year now and he's pretty much our baby. He's going to be in great hands, one of D's coworkers agreed to watch him while we're gone and she's really great and loves dogs and all that so I'm not worried or anything, I'm just sad that I won't have him for almost a week! Sad face. But this means that not only do Dale and I have to pack for ourselves, we also have to pack for our little guy!

Umm...this is embarrassing. I have gathered up all of his toys to find some that he can take with him and...yeah, pretty much everything is at least partially destroyed. In the bag to go to the pug-sitters with him is Woolly Bully, this toy that used to have a red face with floppy ears, and when you drop it on the floor it shakes and rolls and sings that "Woolly Bully" song. Unfortunately, our little guy has skinned it, so now it's just an egg made out of plastic with a bunch of holes in it that shakes and rolls and sings that "Woolly Bully" song. And there's a stuffed purple platypus that we got him the day he came to live with us (back when he weighed 4 pounds!) but he's ripped all the stuffing out of it. It is now known as his "flat-ypus" instead. Pretty much every toy he's ever had except for his squeaky barbell has been torn to shreds by Rygel, Lord Destructo, King of Killing Toys. And also shoes. Usually only my high heels.

NOM!

Here he is, hard at work on Little Bear (which we still have, although he's been completely de-fluffed) on the day we got him

Yeah it's still green but...now it's all colorful and stuff. I figured I got new clothes for Christmas so the Awesome Blog should too!

In other news the Cruise Countdown is whittling away and I'm pretty much bouncing off the walls at this point. I can't wait to get outta here and be not at work, not in school, and not available by cell for five days. Ooh and Mexico! And "Western Caribbean" which we all know really means "Gulf of Mexico" but apparently that doesn't sell as many cruises. I finally have a dress and the bottom half of a swimsuit and might go in search of a top tomorrow but there's a topless sundeck on the boat so if worse comes to worse then...you know...meh.

FORTY CENTS (that's after tax!) for two pairs of mittens (that's two pairs together, not per pair) and THREE DOLLARS AND TWENTY FIVE CENTS (also after tax) for a bikini bottom. The first deal was found at Target and the second at PacSun. Stuff THAT in your pipe and smoke it! Holla.

In case you don't remember my previous post about my culinary prowess, my history with food preparation is...bruised. When I unwrapped a very surprise and very much appreciated ice cream maker (AWESOME!) on Christmas morning, though, I decided that "cooking" ice cream isn't the same as cooking regular food. Just because I'm a lousy cook doesn't mean I will definitely suck at making ice cream right? Hmm...well, jury's still out on that one. I made chocolate chip peppermint ice cream yesterday and it was...kind of awesome, actually. It took WAY longer than expected but I think I've got my first trial-and-error list of dos and don'ts. Exciting! So thanks, Amy, for an awesome Christmas present and on a maybe-related note, I now have a bunch of lovely ice cream in my freezer, if anybody wants to come over and help eat it. :-)

Oh, P.S. Happy New Year. Cruise countdown: 4.5 days (counting today and the .5 part of Monday when we won't be on the cruise yet). FTW!