This is a true story but the names have been deleted to protect the...well, it's only maybe a crime and it was totally by accident. ANYWAY. So, someone's cat named Avalanche (who is notorious for leaving pieces of animals as "presents" for his people) dropped off a delightful dead squirrel on the front porch recently. Thoughtful! Anyway, this person did not want to throw the squirrel away in the regular trash can because it would rot so he put it in a trash bag and dropped it in the back of his truck because apparently he's an expert at body disposal. Unfortunately, he forgot about the squirrel and subsequently drove his truck through a car wash. Squirrels don't weigh very much and trash bags act like parachutes (or sails!), and, adhering to the laws of physics, the bag and contents were whisked out of the truck and onto the floor of the car wash. Whoops. The driver didn't notice until he had pulled the truck out of the car wash and looked in his rearview mirror, just in time to see the next car in line roll over it. So yeah, somewhere in Austin there's a car wash with a trash bag with a run-over, half-eaten dead squirrel in a bag blocking its drain. That's nuts!
So lately I don't know if I've been, like, really impatient or just very eager to get to the next webpage but I've been doing a lot of delayed double-clicking. Like, I'll click on a link, and then my computer doesn't immediately send me to the next webpage and nothing happens for a second, so I'll click on it again. No problem, EXCEPT those ad people have gotten tricky and it turns out that one click is enough (you'd think I'd get that by now...) and the second click just clicks on whatever is in that spot on the next website. Which, more often than not, is a FREAKING BANNER or some other ad. And by the time the next website comes up I already know what I've done and all I can do is sit there and think "DAMMIT." because now I'm gonna have to sit here while the banner pops up and tells me to click the pink iPhone or whatever and I'll have to close it and then go about my day. Yes, I know that it's only 15 seconds but still - Dammit.
I was gonna write about something really good but I can't remember it anymore so DAMN IT. Instead: my creativity appears to be broken. SAD! The manager from one of the other stores called earlier and told us there's a competition going on that requires each store to have their own team name and that we needed to pick one. NOOOO!! I suck at picking names! So it was just me and LC and Heather Marie this morning and I was completely stuck and LC wanted to be something bridal-y like the "Crusading Corsets" (gotta admit, that's funny) or the "Galloping Garters" and Heather Marie was hungry, apparently because she offered up "Mudpies" and "Dip Cones". Dip Cones always make me think of Dilly Bars, so when Diane called back I was like "The Dilly Bars?" and there was silence and then I said "It was Heather's idea!" totally pushing my non-creative energy off on someone else (sorry) and Diane kind of loved it, I think. Then from the back of the store, Heather yells out "THE FIGHTING HERMIT CRABS!" and I repeated it and Diane goes "Sweeeeeeet!" and hangs up. Wait, what??? Nooo! Fighting Hermit Crabs? Really? Sure enough, later on we got an e-mail, this weekend going head-to-head in the competition are the "Mustangs" and the "Fighting Hermit Crabs". Holla.
- YES, we get a lot of bridezillas. Yes, they're that bad, and yes, brides from our store have been on the TV show before.
- NO, you can't give me ten style numbers and have me pull the dresses and put them in a fitting room because you'll be "in a hurry" at your appointment.
- NO, I can't hold a dress until Tuesday so you can come try it on.
- NO, alterations are not included in the cost of the dress. ALSO: Yes, you have to pay in full with your first fitting. You don't go to a restaurant and then act surprised when they want you to pay, right? AND: It's "alterations" not "alter-nations", and your dress is being "altered" not "alterated", "alternated", or any other twisted variety of that word.
- YES, all sales really are final. It's printed on a sign by each register, your receipt (which you signed), and on the garment tags. Even with your receipt, even with the tags on, even if you ordered it and never picked it up, all sales are final. Please choose carefully. ALSO: No you can't exchange it.
- YES, without an appointment you might have to go on the waiting list, which could take an hour or longer before we can get you into a fitting room. ALSO: No, I'm not lying to you, all of our fitting rooms really are assigned to consultants on the weekends. IMPORTANT: This isn't a Target, things work a little differently here.
ALSO, A NOTE FOR GUYS: I'm sure you're convinced that it's incredibly clever and hilarious when you walk in the door and I ask how we can help you to say "I'm looking for a wedding dress..." just to see what happens. Fun fact: You're not the first guy this week to make that "joke". You're probably not even the first guy TODAY to make that joke. Want to know what would be really damn charming? To just say "I'm looking for my wife and kids." Because I know that's what you're probably doing, I just want to make sure. And also I'm testing you. Because if you were REALLY funny and clever, you would put your money where your mouth is and wear a freakin wedding dress for half an hour. And then we'd be friends and I'd respect you, because that's cooler than making a lame joke because you're uncomfortable walking in to a bridal shop. Are we on the same page? Next time just go to Best Buy, it's like, RIGHT THERE.
This is normally the kind of thing I'd write in a journal and not in a blog for all to see but, whatever. I'll take it down if I decide I don't like it.
I know I've taken on a lot lately. What I'm really proud of, though, is that I'm handling it all very well. I think so, at leat. I'm in my last semester on campus at Texas State (still got a little work to do in the Spring unless I miraculously learn Spanish in the next two months) and I'm taking 15 hours, I went back to work and then took on a full-time position there, and have had extra odds and ends added to my workload there over the past two weeks or so, and on top of those two things I've taken on a lot in my personal life. But the cool part about it is that for the first time I feel like I am actually doing it. Like, it's a lot, but it's not too much. Have I finally learned to balance the things that I want to do with the things that I "have to" do without giving up because it's hard and/or getting overwhelmed and freaking out? I don't know. I'm cautiously optimistic that maybe I've made some kind of true step towards adulthood. Funny thing for a 24 year old married woman to say, I know.
Of course now that I've come to that realization and things have kind of calmed down in the "doing stuff" department there's this big place where a lot of emotional things are coming up lately. Ugh! Baby steps, I guess. :-)
I spent Saturday night in a bar without a credit card machine. Yup you can still use paper money for stuff. Weird! And it's in Liberty Hill, so it gets weirder. Also there were two dogs hanging out in the bar, and a six year old. Child, not dog. Whatever, though, I had a great time and me and Andrew's uncle Roger got schooled at shuffleboard by Dale and Crazy Barry.
Also, Andrew's band? AWESOME! Find an excuse to have a party and hire them, it'll change your life!
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