And They Call Our Generation Lazy...
9:08 AM Posted In lame , stinky people , vacation Edit This 1 Comment »
Remember when I said that I came back from vacation with a bunch of new reasons to hate people? Here's Mere's Enemy #389234, I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady. She was on our shore excursion in Progreso, which was a trip to the Uxmal Mayan ruin site. I immediately knew we were gonna have issues when the five of us got on the bus and it was full of old people. Thinking to myself "Y'all know this is a long trip right? Like we're gonna be outside and walking for a good four hours? And this is southern Mexico, so it's, like, really hot?" I sat in the back and tried to give the blue hairs the benefit of the doubt. Ok, maybe "blue hairs" is unfair; that term is generally reserved (by my dad) for the early bird crowd at Luby's, but these people were definitely eligible for the senior special at most buffet lines.
Anyway, we arrive at Uxmal and begin our tour with Gabriel, who is living my dream and being a tour guide at an archaeological site in Mexico (definitely on my list of top 5 most awesome jobs ever). He tells us from the beginning that we will have about an hour long guided tour and then at least two hours of free time to explore, ask questions, visit the shops and restaurants outside the park, etc. Ok, sounds good. First stop on the tour: the Magician's Pyramid (awesome!). I'll even illustrate it for you:
Awesome, right? Like, you totally want to know all about this thing, right? Especially if you paid for the tour and then rode a bus for 2 hours to get there? Well apparently some of these people were less interested in the super sweet ancient pyramid and more interested in the iguanas that were climbing on it. I wish I were kidding. It's the Yucatan, there are iguanas literally everywhere, they are ridiculously no big deal, but to these four-year-old old people they were more fascinating than the giant chunk of awesome architecture they were climbing around on. About four times during Gabriel's first five minute talk he was interrupted by people saying "There's an iguana! Do you see the iguana? It's climbing right there! There's another iguana! It's climbing down the steps! Iguana, iguana, iguana!" I hate you so much.
Then I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady wanders off to take a picture of the iguanas. While this guy's still talking! Whatever. Gabriel goes on to talk about some numbered stones visible on the side of the pyramid, how the archaeologists actually had to disassemble part of it last year during a pattern of very heavy rain, etc. so they numbered them so they would know where they go when they had to put them back. Now we're ready to move on to the next place but wait, where's I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady?? Oh here she is, out of breath and drenched and wandering back up to the group, and just as I'm thinking "Damn, I hate that woman!" she goes "Question: What do those numbers on some of the stones mean?" I HATE YOU!
Pretty much my next hour was spent actively hating that woman and one or two others. Every time Gabriel would bring us to something new they would literally flop down on the ground like they'd just sprinted a 5k and then finally at the very last place on the tour I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady finally just wandered away for good, found herself a shady rock, and sat there. That's ri-damn-diculous. I'm pretty sure our tour guide was as disgusted as the five of us were. Uxmal is large but it's nowhere near city-sized, in total we probably walked a half a mile, and it was in the morning so it wasn't even all that hot. Whatever.
Anyway, of course I took a picture of I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady for voodoo doll purposes (not voodoo on her specifically, but on all that she represents). And if it looks like we were planning to drop an anvil on her from this vantage point (we were on top of a pretty huge pyramid)...you're not far from right.
Anyway, we arrive at Uxmal and begin our tour with Gabriel, who is living my dream and being a tour guide at an archaeological site in Mexico (definitely on my list of top 5 most awesome jobs ever). He tells us from the beginning that we will have about an hour long guided tour and then at least two hours of free time to explore, ask questions, visit the shops and restaurants outside the park, etc. Ok, sounds good. First stop on the tour: the Magician's Pyramid (awesome!). I'll even illustrate it for you:
Awesome, right? Like, you totally want to know all about this thing, right? Especially if you paid for the tour and then rode a bus for 2 hours to get there? Well apparently some of these people were less interested in the super sweet ancient pyramid and more interested in the iguanas that were climbing on it. I wish I were kidding. It's the Yucatan, there are iguanas literally everywhere, they are ridiculously no big deal, but to these four-year-old old people they were more fascinating than the giant chunk of awesome architecture they were climbing around on. About four times during Gabriel's first five minute talk he was interrupted by people saying "There's an iguana! Do you see the iguana? It's climbing right there! There's another iguana! It's climbing down the steps! Iguana, iguana, iguana!" I hate you so much.
Then I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady wanders off to take a picture of the iguanas. While this guy's still talking! Whatever. Gabriel goes on to talk about some numbered stones visible on the side of the pyramid, how the archaeologists actually had to disassemble part of it last year during a pattern of very heavy rain, etc. so they numbered them so they would know where they go when they had to put them back. Now we're ready to move on to the next place but wait, where's I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady?? Oh here she is, out of breath and drenched and wandering back up to the group, and just as I'm thinking "Damn, I hate that woman!" she goes "Question: What do those numbers on some of the stones mean?" I HATE YOU!
Pretty much my next hour was spent actively hating that woman and one or two others. Every time Gabriel would bring us to something new they would literally flop down on the ground like they'd just sprinted a 5k and then finally at the very last place on the tour I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady finally just wandered away for good, found herself a shady rock, and sat there. That's ri-damn-diculous. I'm pretty sure our tour guide was as disgusted as the five of us were. Uxmal is large but it's nowhere near city-sized, in total we probably walked a half a mile, and it was in the morning so it wasn't even all that hot. Whatever.
Anyway, of course I took a picture of I-Have-The-Attention-Span-Of-A-3-Year-Old-And-The-Fitness-Level-Of-A-103-Year-Old Lady for voodoo doll purposes (not voodoo on her specifically, but on all that she represents). And if it looks like we were planning to drop an anvil on her from this vantage point (we were on top of a pretty huge pyramid)...you're not far from right.
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1 comments:
I have to admit that in all my ADD glory I was distracted by the Iguana's at first, but once I realized there were like 50 on the pyramid I knew there would be a billion running around during our free time.
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