SHUT UPPP

My stove is possessed!! Apparently some invisible gremlin has decided to screw with me and it's interfering with my eating habits so I'm not too thrilled. This morning I decided that I was going to have an egg for breakfast (that's right, one egg, what up?) so I turned on the stove and wandered around the kitchen while I let the oil and pan heat up. At this point let me just say that while I've had electric stoves everywhere I've lived for the past six years I grew up with gas stoves and I still suck at using the electric ones. I hate them. Anyway - I went to check the oil and it wasn't hot, which was weird because I could smell that the stove was on (Reason #234 why I hate electric stoves.) and then I noticed that the BACK burner was glowing orange. Crap, really? Ok, so I turned on the wrong burner, whatever. I moved the pan to the back burner, no big deal, cracked the egg and continued to wander around the kitchen and suddenly the egg is, like, turning black and there's smoke coming off the pan. WTF?! So I pick up the pan and the burner underneath has gone from "Sidewalk on a Summer Day" to "Solar Flare" glowing bright red. Seriously, stove?

So at this point I decided I'd made breakfast for the dog (You're welcome, Rygel!) and I would just have tea so I set the teapot on the other back burner (not the possessed one) and wandered off again. Ok, fine, when I say I "wandered off" I really mean I was sneaking chocolate chips. Anyway, five minutes later I check it and...nothing's happening. Boo! So I turn up the heat. Still nothing. I hate my stove. So I move the teapot, turn on the front burner, and stand there. I hear the water start to boil so I get out a mug and a teabag and wait. A second later, nothing. WHAT THE HELL!? I'm tired of playing Whack-A-Mole with my stove, trying to throw a teapot on whatever burner decides to heat up, so I turn on the possessed burner. Sure enough, in about three minutes I have tea. After one wasted egg, a blackened stainless steel pan, a stove that thinks it's playing Whack-A-Mole, and thirty minutes, I have tea. Tastes like victory.