How To Lose Friends And Alienate People

5:28 PM Posted In , , Edit This 4 Comments »
So I was standing in line at Ulta this morning, just trying to buy stupid lip gloss and eyeliner and the inevitable happens: I'm stuck behind a crazy bitch with a coupon. Actually it was an entire coupon magazine like the kind you get in the mail. APPARENTLY, this lady is unable to read, so when the cashier gives her the total, Crazy Bitch tosses down the coupon thingy and says "I want to use this." Ok, no problem, the cashier looks at the coupon and then tells her something about blah blah, certain items are excluded, etc., which I get is frustrating but still, sometimes it's just that way. She even flips the brochure over and shows her where the items are listed that are NOT 20% off. Sure enough, the lady has a big giant Tigi set that she's trying to buy that is not on sale. Instead of taking it like a human being and saying "That sucks, but I understand that it's not your fault," Crazy Bitch flips the f out and gets up in the poor girl's face about it. So the cashier says she'll call a manager, who then comes over and says "Oh, that promotion doesn't even start until Saturday. See here? It says January 24." I scoffed out loud. Like, really really loud, not even caring if the crazy lady buying expensive shampoo and conditioner to go along with her tucked-in tee shirt, tapered ankle-length Mom jeans, and manly hiking shoes heard me. Because she might be nuts but I promise you, I'm crazier. But still nice! Anyway, the adorable mom/daughter team behind me laughed.

Adorable Mom: It never fails, right?
Me: Every single time.

So at this point Crazy B is raging at the manager, and she actually says "EVERY OTHER STORE WILL HONOR THEIR PROMOTIONS EARLY AND I EXPECT YOU TO DO THE SAME!" at which point I burst out laughing because a) That's not true, b) That's not a nice way to ask, and secret option c) I'm looking for a fight. Unfortunately for my fight, instead of turning around and attempting to clock me she throws this pedicure set at the poor cashier and yells at her "I DON'T WANT THIS AT ALL, AND I WANT MY 20% DISCOUNT ON THIS!" holding up the much-needed shampoo set. Freaking FINE! The manager just glares at her, pulls a 20% coupon out of the drawer, scans it and types in whatever manager code she has, and walks away, very noticeably sharing a Look with the cashier. I can't say I would have done anything differently, having been in very similar situations ("Your ad says $350 off every dress in the store!" "Ma'am, that is impossible, that dress is only $299, I'm not going to pay you $51 for shopping with us, am I?") but I enjoyed the fight. So in the end, the awesome cashier finished the transaction, tossed the bag at the Crazy B and just left her with a "Have a nice day." Aww.

Yeah, people are weird.


Katie said...

right after I read "I was waiting in line at Ulta" I knew something good was coming - everytime I'm in that store I have to wait AT LEAST 10 minutes, and there are usually maybe 3 people in front of me. I had a similar thing happen the last time I was there - that whole book-catalog-thing and the woman was yelling at the cash register, then the woman in front of me (b/c let's face it, there were like 5 employees walking around and 2 registers open but both were dealing with the crazies) asked if this other chick could help, and she was like, "I GUESS, but I'm trying to set up the store." Whatever - she must have been from Houston.

<3Katy said...

I really love the description of this extremely classy lady's ensemble. Was it Laura Carroll? You can tell me...

Mere said...

Ahhh ha ha Katy Jo be NICE! And also, no.

Autumn said...

Oh I've worked at Ulta, and let me tell you, it's hell. Every single day someone threw a fit about the coupons.
Can't anyone read?