SHUT UPPP

Here are some interesting/odd/funny text messages that are in my inbox or outbox these days. Can you tell I'm extremely excited to have something to do today? :-P Come ON, Hurricane Ike! Give me something to talk about! Jeez! Anyway, these are from several sources: Amy, Ben, Andrew, Michelle, Katie, Kate, and of course myself. And maybe some others tossed there too. Anyway. This is why I have unlimited texts.

"Is it a Swingline?"

"I love the big balls! Ga-bounce!"

"Free pjs and thongs all around, aye?"

"Well keep me posted. I'll just be here, crunching up this old shot glass."

"Ah! Allergic to formulaic fun!"

"Zotis and Bones"

"I had a friend tell me she was on Team Karen last night and I practically yelled at her: THEY STILL MAKE YOU?! Team Pam!"

"Happy birthday from Smuckers!"

"Katie is super drunk but so is mark"

"::cut to a picture of a cat eating spaghetti::"

"LOL no, Bazooka, we're eating it there like people who aren't ashamed of their Chili's addiction."

"OMG I figured it out! Republicans are doing a big Punked on the US!"

"Serious Poodler."

"Ewwww like homeless pot dealer smelly?"

"Did you hear that thing in swiss land is going to eat the world?"

"I was just thinking 'Ug birth control is $50?!' Then kid behind me randomly screams at the top of his lungs. Uh, yeah WORTH IT!"

"Um note to self do NOT shake a Starbucks double shot in a can. Contents under pressure."

I don't know if this is listed somewhere in the Bro Code (I'm not a Bro...) but it SHOULD be. From now on, if you receive a blank text message from a friend, that is The Signal that they are trapped in an awkward situation (you and your ex ended up at the same party and your friend/date isn't there yet), horrible conversation (Creepy Guy From Work corners you at the grocery store and won't shut up about the TPS reports), bad date, job interview gone terribly wrong, whatever. The proper etiquette when receiving The Signal is to wait thirty seconds and then call the person with a "huge emergency". The job of the caller is then to listen patiently on the line for further instructions. For example, the person receiving the call could say, concerned, "Oh no! What happened?" It is then the responsibility of the caller to fill in the necessary silence, just to make it all a little more believeable. You could talk about your day or you could offer possible escape routes to your trapped friend. Anyway, the person receiving the call is in control here. If just a minor distraction was necessary and the awkward encounter has been diffused (ie, Creepy Guy From Work wandered off or your ex left the party while you were on the phone) then you can thank your friend and hang up. If it's something more serious, like a bad date that wouldn't end, this is your chance to escape! Politely tell your date that you've had a great time and you're sorry that you have to cut it short but (Fill in excuse here; be creative!) and you have to go rescue them. Hooray for friendship!

The modification to The Signal is The Time Bomb. The Time Bomb is usually texted from a secluded location: the bathroom, outside, wherever, and gives a specific time frame for the callback, ie: COUNT TO 200 AND CALL ME BACK! This is especially helpful if you're in a situation where you can't covertly send the blank text, and will give you time to get back to your table, bar stool, interview, whatever before The Call is placed.

Also I've been watching way too much HIMYM.