SHUT UPPP

You are probably aware of the Saga Of The Truck. If you're not, scroll down. There you go. Anyway - we've had D's parents' Monte Carlo this week while the truck was in the shop getting a 2nd opinion (2nd opinion: Pretty much the same as the 1st opinion.) so over the weekend we took the Monte Carlo back to exchange it for the truck. FAIL ensued. Please to enjoy:


The truck won't start. This has not previously been a problem. Turns out when the mechanics put it back together, they somehow managed to do it in such a way that the middle brake light (the only one that was working before) stayed on, even when the truck was turned off. WTF?? Exactly. Yeah it's just one bulb, but if left on for three days...the fail. Solution?


We need a jump! But not just any jump. Donnie went and got Old Brown (again, for details, scroll down). At first, Dale declared "He's just showing off!" when his dad got Old Brown to start after only one try. Then they got the trucks hooked up annnnd...yeah, the Dodge still won't start. SUCK!


So now what? After about twenty minutes I snapped this lovely shot of Old Brown in all its glory. Keep in mind that for all its faults, this truck starts when you tell it to. And it miraculously passed inspection this year. And it's worth twice what the Dodge is worth in trade (because it's a "Classic"). And what is that, propping the hood open? If you think it looks like a giant stick/small tree limb, you're not wrong.


After half an hour, Rygel said "Screw it" and found the only shade readily available...


...and I sought alternative transportation.

Freakin finally, after an hour of charging that mofo with an electrical charger and Old Brown, the stupid thing started. I have tried to be nicer to it, thinking that my ill-concealed hatred of it could have something to do with why it's behaving like a piece of junk, and so far we haven't had any additional problems. It starts when you turn the key, at least. But it's going to rain the rest of the week and we're going to be a one-car family because it's too much to ask to have two cars with working windshield wipers. Weak!

Turns out D's truck is BROKEN. The "little electrical problem" it's had for about six months now? Not so little after all. It turns out that the part that's gone retarded is apparently the brain that connects all of the gauges and electrical stuff in the dash and tells them what to do and how to operate. As a result, he's got one brake light, no lights in the cab at all, no horn, no windshield wipers, no blinkers, no high beams, no speedometer, no fuel gauge, no tachometer, and no temperature gauge. It does, however, still have a working A/C, stereo, and (unfortunately) the freaking Flowmasters. That brain thingy is gonna cost at LEAST $800 to get fixed. I don't know if you've heard lately but I'm about to go back to school full-time (in four days!) and we're not exactly what you would describe as "rolling in the dough." This after spending $300 to have the brakes partially fixed (THANKS, Midas!) last summer, and a recurring $150 to fix some "speed sensor" thing that's gone out four times since D got the truck brand new in '02.

To fully understand the frustration of the situation, you have to understand where D comes from, vehicularly-speaking. At 15, he inherited Old Brown, his parents' big old brown 1988 Chevy Silverado. What's even better is that Old Brown turned the big 2-1 this year and is now considered a "Classic". It's a POS, but it still runs, and is worth twice as much as the Dodge in trade if they're both in good shape. I'm assuming it's still worth twice as much as the Dodge if they're both in crappy shape, but I'm not an expert. Donnie even drove it to town last week which is hilarious because those of you who know and love Old Brown will recall (from high school days, probably) that it often had to be started with jumper cables, the passenger seat didn't always lock into place the first time you tried, the radio didn't work so D had a battery-powered boom box on the floor (it also helped stop the seat from moving), the cloth cover on the ceiling has completely separated from the roof and is tacked up with thumbtacks and it constantly flaps in the wind because the A/C doesn't work so you have to roll down the windows. For a while it also only had one mirror because the rear view randomly melted and fell one day and the driver's side one was obliterated by an errant chicken on Highway 29 one spring afternoon. No, you read that right. Only in Liberty Hill would there be a chicken on the highway. Oh and keep in mind what I said earlier about the windows being down all the time because of the "broken A/C" thing. That's right: not so much fun for our driver. At one point it was made into a redneck swimming pool with a tarp and a water hose. Oh my dear sweet Lord would you look at that, I found a picture:

Good days, those. Finally, I was forbidden to ride in it when the driver's side door fell off in front of my house toward the end of senior year.

About two days later, D showed up with the Dodge. It's only got 70k miles on it and has been garage-kept for all but the last two years, and seeing as how D drove it almost NEVER during college because he lived and worked in the same place which happened to be right across the street from where he went to school, you'd think it'd be in pretty decent shape. But no, the truck gods choose to smite instead. What the hell, truck gods? What'd we ever do to you?