Christmas Songs That Need To Stop

6:43 PM Posted In , , Edit This 2 Comments »
As evidenced by the Christmas Countdown that's been on my page since, like, September, I effing love Christmas. Pretty much everything about Christmas: the decorations, the crazy people, the shameless advertising, the SALES, and the music. And let me tell you, I get more than my fair share of Christmas music: the radio station we're forced to listen to at work is one of those "Adult Contemporary" stations that play a lot of Celine Dion, John Mayer, and Colbie Caillat every day BUT about a week ago they switched over to 24/7 Christmas music until the 26 (that would be the 26th of NEXT month for those who are confused). Overkill? Um, yes, even for me. And there are a few songs that make me want to do things that are very, very un-Christmasy. Here is my list of Christmas songs that definitely, definitely need to go away. In no particular order:

Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg
Why I hate it: It's a whiny, rambling ballad that gets nothing at all accomplished and just makes me feel sad and annoyed when I could be rockin out to some Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Also there's drinking and driving, which is irresponsible.

The River by At Least 500 Different People
Why I hate it: See above. What's with the whiny Christmas music? BAH, I get that not everybody loves the holidays but can you please stop pissing on everybody else's parade? Although it *does* get cool points for referencing some naughty lovin'. Just saying!

Santa Baby also by 500 people...
Why I hate it: It's creepy!!!! Not only is it being sung from the point of view of a total gold digger, she's also a gold digger with an eye for old, overweight men. Ew! OMG she could be Gretchen from The Real Housewives of Orange County! Something to think about...

That Damn Hippo Song whatever
Why I hate it: The stupid voice, for one, makes me want to jam a pencil in my own ears. Plus it's a stupid song. What would you actually do with a hippopotamus for Christmas? How are you planning to feed it? Where will it sleep? Are you going to take it for walks? What if it becomes aggressive? Hippos are responsible for more deaths in Africa than crocodiles, you know (...Ben...). Are you going to be a responsible hippo owner? Judging from your stupid-sounding voice, I am skeptical. Also that song gets stuck in my head and I HATE that.

The Christmas Shoes I just realized that all of these are sung by dozens of people
Why I hate it: THIS IS THE WORST SONG EVER. DALE AND I HAVE TOTALLY BONDED OVER OUR MUTUAL HATRED OF HOW TERRIBLE THIS SONG IS. HE HATES IT BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PULLING ON YOUR HEART STRINGS, I HATE IT BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING MONEY AND TRYING TO BE THAT CHRISTMAS SONG THAT EVERYONE LOVES. THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO SUCKER PUNCH AN OLD PERSON.

So there are others, but that's my list for now. Happy holidays!

2 comments:

Katie said...

OMG, I HATE that Same Aud Lang Sang song!! They do play it all the dang time, and 1 it's not a Christmas song and 2 it's really annoying.
Also, the shoes song...Kasey and I bonded over our mutual disgust for that song, too...we kind of feel like the kid was like, "haha, sucker..." and mama was going to meet her pimp, "Jesus".

Katie said...

Also, I don't think someone running to hug you and her purse spilling everywhere is really grounds for laughing until you cry. Yeah, thanks - now help me pick this crap up, please?