SHUT UPPP

It finally feels like Summer! Yesss! Except I figured that out while I was sitting in my car in downtown Austin traffic at 4:30 in the afternoon without my air conditioner. In jeans. Small boo. But it was still a beautiful day! Anyway, as I was sitting there, waiting for the light by the big Whole Foods to turn, I saw a kid with a sign. This isn't rare, there's people all over the place with signs, but I thought he looked a little out of place. As I got closer, I realized he was wearing a cycling uniform. Weird...? Then I read his sign:
I AM RIDING MY BIKE 4000 MILES TO ALASKA.
Ok, good for you, sport! Oh, but there's more on your sign. What does that say there at the bottom?
FOR CANCER.
I couldn't not giggle. Then, right there on the corner, there was a girl with another sign:
HELP ME BIKE TO ALASKA FOR CANCER!
I'm sure this is completely WRONG of me, but I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud. I think what they're trying to do is awesome, I would love to have the guts/drive/time to bike four thousand miles, but I grew up with an English teacher: FIX YOUR SIGN. Until then, I can't donate one shiny penny. I am, as a matter of fact, against cancer.

Seriously, though, good luck with that.

I'm in a fight with a vacuum cleaner. Two, actually. The most horrible part of being mad at a vacuum cleaner is how to describe said POS vacuum cleaner. I tried exclaiming "UGH! This vacuum SUCKS!" But...it doesn't, and that's the problem. But saying that something doesn't suck implies that it's actually good. So WTF? I lose. And now I'm just ranting, and it's just words, because I have no good way of explaining what the hell is up with the vacuum. It sucks because it doesn't suck. Vacuums suck, they SUCK! Also, "sucks" is the only word I can use to describe something I don't like. So don't even ask.

Want to know how to really annoy me? Like really bad? And instantly irritate me to the point that I not only don't feel like helping you but am also already building an irrational grudge against you that will make your life suck later? Insert the word "Question" before a question. Now, I get that it's hilarious when Dwight Schrute does it. Dwight gets away with a lot. In my daily life, however, SHUT UP. Know what? I'll get that you're asking me a question after you've ASKED ME THE QUESTION. Telling me in advance that you're planning to ask me a question doesn't excite me, doesn't make me pay more attention to what you're about to say, and doesn't make you less annoying. It does, in fact, have the opposite effect of all of those things. And it wastes time, and you know how much I love to do that on my own (I don't need your help!). PLUS it's gotten to where the word "question" bothers me and I'm going to add it to my Banned Words list (the verbal equivalent to fingernails on a chalkboard) with words like "turd" and "juxtaposition".

So don't piss me off. If you're gonna ask me a question just ASK the flippin QUESTION, k? Thanks. Gah.

I'm totally bringing back "Rad". It's super functional, brings back good memories, and is really fun to say. So spread the word, RAD is back! Oh and don't be like Dale and when I say "You're so rad!" look at me confused-ly and say back "Resident Assistant on Duty?" because no, you're not R.A.D., you were RAD but now you're a NERD and also maybe have been at your job too long. So YES, RAD ie. "TOTALLY AWESOME". Use it today and get a gold star!!