SHUT UPPP

As evidenced by the Christmas Countdown that's been on my page since, like, September, I effing love Christmas. Pretty much everything about Christmas: the decorations, the crazy people, the shameless advertising, the SALES, and the music. And let me tell you, I get more than my fair share of Christmas music: the radio station we're forced to listen to at work is one of those "Adult Contemporary" stations that play a lot of Celine Dion, John Mayer, and Colbie Caillat every day BUT about a week ago they switched over to 24/7 Christmas music until the 26 (that would be the 26th of NEXT month for those who are confused). Overkill? Um, yes, even for me. And there are a few songs that make me want to do things that are very, very un-Christmasy. Here is my list of Christmas songs that definitely, definitely need to go away. In no particular order:

Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg
Why I hate it: It's a whiny, rambling ballad that gets nothing at all accomplished and just makes me feel sad and annoyed when I could be rockin out to some Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Also there's drinking and driving, which is irresponsible.

The River by At Least 500 Different People
Why I hate it: See above. What's with the whiny Christmas music? BAH, I get that not everybody loves the holidays but can you please stop pissing on everybody else's parade? Although it *does* get cool points for referencing some naughty lovin'. Just saying!

Santa Baby also by 500 people...
Why I hate it: It's creepy!!!! Not only is it being sung from the point of view of a total gold digger, she's also a gold digger with an eye for old, overweight men. Ew! OMG she could be Gretchen from The Real Housewives of Orange County! Something to think about...

That Damn Hippo Song whatever
Why I hate it: The stupid voice, for one, makes me want to jam a pencil in my own ears. Plus it's a stupid song. What would you actually do with a hippopotamus for Christmas? How are you planning to feed it? Where will it sleep? Are you going to take it for walks? What if it becomes aggressive? Hippos are responsible for more deaths in Africa than crocodiles, you know (...Ben...). Are you going to be a responsible hippo owner? Judging from your stupid-sounding voice, I am skeptical. Also that song gets stuck in my head and I HATE that.

The Christmas Shoes I just realized that all of these are sung by dozens of people
Why I hate it: THIS IS THE WORST SONG EVER. DALE AND I HAVE TOTALLY BONDED OVER OUR MUTUAL HATRED OF HOW TERRIBLE THIS SONG IS. HE HATES IT BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PULLING ON YOUR HEART STRINGS, I HATE IT BECAUSE IT'S WRITTEN WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING MONEY AND TRYING TO BE THAT CHRISTMAS SONG THAT EVERYONE LOVES. THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO SUCKER PUNCH AN OLD PERSON.

So there are others, but that's my list for now. Happy holidays!

This was on The Soup on Friday. I'm doing my damnedest to hate the song but COME ON! It's so catchy! Anyway, McHale made me hate myself less. THANKS!

"I want you to know it's all about the music. It's always been about the music."

Umm...then why, John Mayer, are you preaching instead of playing music? Rule number one of impressing me is always show me don't tell me, because the number one sign of fakeness is being all mouth. So anyway, you might know that I was at the Brett Dennan/Colbie Caillat/John Mayer concert in Dallas with Katie last weekend, and those of you who received my text messages know that I was dismayed and offended by JM's horrendous cover of "Free Fallin'". And when I say offended I mean that was, like, my fave song when I was a kid and nobody can do it like Tom Petty so...don't even try. And also he did a Stevie Ray Vaughan cover. I'm sorry, it just seems like when you've got tons of hits and literally hours of your own music that you could be performing it's a bit arrogant to sing someone ELSE'S music at your show. Sure, if you feel so compelled, play a cover - ONE cover - but not three, unless they're really awesome. Which, BTW, they weren't. So John Mayer? Officially tool-riffic.

Also Perez got a hold of some pics from his Dallas show and called him gay. Thanks to Moose (A victim of my angry texting!) for passing that info along. Love you!